John Trowbridge
Vids- Performance Dates
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- Rocket and The Jew (Podcast)
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Posts
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Performance Dates
- February 8th 10:30 PM - Swoon @ The Players TheaterFebruary 13th - Lloyd Night @ UCB EastFebruary 14th - UCBT's Anti-Valentines Day Spectacular @ UCB ChelseaFebruary 27th - Lloyd Night @ UCB East
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Tweets
- You guys get the new moleskin app? It's only like $450 dollars.May 22, 13 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
- @Alanstarzinski wow really really good
- I heard Ke$ha drank her some of her own pee and then used the rest for lighter fluid?May 22, 13 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
- Just found out what the word androgynous means. Yeah I can see why those kids called me that.May 22, 13 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
- I feel like if I work really hard I'll be able to make it to the bottom that Drake started at.May 22, 13 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
- Just sneezed two times in a row. Good god what a rush.
- @Shhhhhhley you knew kids were in there 5 times
- OK let's all go home because today has to be over.May 21, 13 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
- The new XBOX was born a MAN??!!?!?! #XboxReveal
- You think JR Smith will become awesome friends with the worlds most horrible dictator in 2025?May 20, 13 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
- After living in Greenpoint for 2 weeks, I've learned that when a polish person screams "YZGHT YZGHT!" it means "Stop humping my drug store"
- May 20, 13 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
- I don't know what Jim Carrey is capable of.
- No AXE! You don't get to do cool weird commercials like Old Spice! Stick to your instant BJ thing.May 19, 13 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
- COP: Where is the body! CRIMINAL: Hahah COP: What? CRIMINAL: I ate the bones! I ate the bones! VO: Eat at KFC NOW!!!May 19, 13 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
- "The fact on your Nantucket bottle cap is actually outdated. There are 13 wine stores in the greater township. Trust me hah"- A white person
- Still can't wait for the EPIC "What's up With That?" Send off for Kenan
- Perfect. just perfect
- I love this "Kanye ruins everybody's good time" sketch
- "I was doing this super angry and pissy concert on tv while you were in your mommy's tummy" - Kanye West
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Photos
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Posts
- Tonight's Fallon Yokes
In this episode, I’m being dragged out by security while hanging on to free toilet paper and yelling these jokes for anybody who will hear.
1. Reports say that American Idol is considering having past contestants like Adam Lambert and Clay Aiken as judges for the new season. They said they made the decision when they noticed that the former judges were way too famous.
2. While testifying on the recent scandal, IRS official Lois Lerner said she did nothing wrong or illegal and then plead the fifth. When asked for further comment she said “The hearing went amazingly!” and then ran away at full speed.
3. Last Night on MTV’s “My Crazy Beautiful Life” Ke$ha drank a bit of her own pee. Friends of Ke$ha were stunned not because she drank it but because she used the rest of it for lighter fluid.
4. North Korea sent their best military official to china to discuss something “quite urgent”. China’s best military official wanted to know about their nuclear plans while North Korea’s best military official wanted to know if you could actually ride a missile.
5. TMZ reported that Justin Bieber warned his party guests not to post pictures from his parties online or he’ll sue them for 5 Million dollars. He said he can’t let people know about his insane parties [whisper to the audience] somebody might bring weed.
6. A member of Russian punk band, Pussy Riot, has declared a hunger strike. Citizens of Russia responded saying “Were we not already in a hunger strike?”
7. A man successfully snuck into the Cannes Film Festival by posing as Korean Pop Singer, Psy. When officials were told it wasn’t Psy they said “Ahhhh are we racist?”
8. Anthony Weiner has officially announced that he is running for mayor of New York City. He has stiff competition though because his opponent is already gaining the nickname of “The Next Mayor of New York City”.
9. An ad agency in Pennsylvania says it wants to hire more “hipsters” to its workstaff. They said they want the office to be like Mad Men only more alienating.
Debunked! UCB’s “The Straight Men” is fake. It was entirely pre-planned by Will Hines.
Watch this video to learn how Will Hines:
1) Knew the suggestion beforehand
2) Wasn’t authorized to be in this show
3) Manipulated the audience with his clothing
4) Communicated with an off-stage puppet master DURING THE SHOW.Mr. Hines will not justify these baseless accusations with a response, and does not confirm or deny the presence of scripted material in this or every show he does.
more please. I feel like this is just the tip of the iceberg.
I’m going to Amsterdam (Europe) in 10 days. But don’t worry I’m going to try to get a new plan on my phone so I can send sick ass Vines.
I love Amsterdam. If the flow of NYC comedy didn’t run through me, I would totally move there and just ride bikes and build boats.
- Tonight's Fallon Yokes
In this episode, I pose as a beautiful woman and seduce my way into the building. Then I lay these jokes on the writers table. Then I take off my disguise and say “HA HA!”. Then I realize that they still all want to hook up.
1. Apple is being accused of evading taxes on 44 billion dollars of profit. Apple said they would make it all up by sending congress 4 Macbook pros with applecare.
2. Apple saved billions of dollars by putting them into Irish subsidiaries. Authorities said they will take control of the money once they get a hold of Apple’s tiny accountant, Paddy O’Flannigan [ PHOTO OF LEPRECHAUN WITH A BLUETOOTH]
3. Today it was announced that Justin Bieber’s pet monkey has now become property of the German government. They plan to give it to a loving home once they ween it off Monster Energy Drinks and Proactive.
4. Beyonce leaked a song today entitled “Grown Woman.” In 9 months or so, Beyonce is expected to release a couple more tracks along with a human baby.
5. Zack Galifinakis is planning on taking a homeless woman to the Hangover 3 premiere. People are already saying it will be a great opportunity to see the effects of living in the gutter and also a homeless woman will be there.
6. Even with all the recent scandals and leaks, President Obama’s approval rating has not gone down. The report said that people who disapprove of the president are the same people who feel sorry for Fox News and the IRS which is nobody.
7. The founder of Tumblr, who just sold his company to Yahoo for 1.1 billion dollars, said he sometimes thinks about going to college. But he said he would tackle that when he’s looking to buy.
8. Judd Apatow said last night that he didn’t attend Lena Dunham’s birthday because he wasn’t invited. When Judd asked to be invited to the after party, Lena said “Oh you wanna bring your daughters again?…we’re prolly gonna call it a night actually…”
9. Eva Longoria tweeted a picture of herself wearing underwear with a caption reading “No wardrobe malfunctions tonight!” before going onto the red carpet. Reporters tweeted back “Ehh there’s always Ke$ha.”
10. Eminem is suing Facebook for using 30 seconds of his song in one of their commercials. Facebook apologized and said they played his song to advertise a new feature that allows you to threaten ex-girlfriends.
Josh Turnbull, son of Chelsea’s reserve goalkeeper, Ross Turnbull, scores the most adorable goal you’ll see today.
wait for the arm raise
- Alan wont stop calling me Trollbridge
So I am starting an online campaign to get everybody to starting calling him “Alan Puke-Zinski” starting immediately. Join me.
- Tonight's Fallon Yokes
I’ve already been fired in my Fallon monologue writer fantasy. So in this episode, I sneak through the air vents and lay these jokes on Jimmy’s desk. He’d look at the jokes thoughtfully crumple up each piece of paper, and try to make turn-around-fade-away jump shots into his garbage.
1. Dwayne Wade surprised a fan by showing up at her prom as her date. Prom Queen went to Dwayne Wade’s date and Prom King went to Lebron James.
2. North Korea launched it’s 6th missle and says this is a regular military exercise. Kim Jong Un said it is a great alternative to actual exercise.
3. At a graduation, Obama said there was “No Time For Excuses”. After he spoke, Joe Biden went on and said there was “No Time For Vegetables”.
4. Taylor Swift looked disgusted while walking past Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez kissing on the cheek last night. When asked for comment Taylor said “Reconciliation with your ex? Ummm Gross”
5. Justin Bieber was booed last night while receiving his award at the Billboard Music Awards. When he asked his friends for support he stopped himself saying “No not you Chris Brown”.
6. Yahoo purchased the blogging site, Tumblr, this weekend and said it was going to let Tumblr “Be Tumblr”. In response, Myspace.com asked if somebody could let Myspace “Be stumbled on”.
7. Governor Chris Christie has come under criticism for appearing in a New Jersey tourism ad. Along with political issues, most people are criticizing him for blocking out New Jersey.
8. A study came out that said that an average pot smoker spends less money than somebody who smokes cigarrettes. Regular pot smokers said they were gonna spend the extra money they saved on “A butt-ton of dank nugs”.
9. The feds are saying that these elderly men who snuck onto a nuclear facility are a national threat. [INSERT PHOTO OF 3 VERY OLD MEN] They said they posed a threat to the nation’s last sleeve of fig newtons.
Dubai. (Photo by Daniel Cheong / Hot Spot Media via The Telegraph)
that’s totally insane
Are you guys watching La Blogotheque as much as I am? You should be. Its a wonderful escape to the cobblestone corners of europe. Not this one in particular though. It’s Phoenix playing some songs on top of a French tour bus. Even if you don’t like the song it’s still just nice fer lookin at.
- Tonight's Fallon Jokes
If I was a monologue writer for Fallon, they would ask me why I keep showing up in the office and that I was fired a while ago. Then I would hand them these jokes.
1. David Beckham announced today that he is retiring from Professional Soccer. American’s all over the country said it’s a very sad day for Kickball.
2. Frustrated over recent events, President Obama has told people around him that he has thought about being more candid. He wants to express his real feelings about Benghazi and also his feelings about Biden leaving his roller blades everywhere.
3. During a concert, Kanye west said “I’m the worst kind of celebrity because all I do is make real music.” He then played a song where he autotunes over a sample.
4. Former Congressman Anthony Weiner said he will make his decision to run for mayor of NYC in a matter of days, Although he has months to decide, Wiener said he’s already begun growing his staff.
5. A young version of the character Samantha, from Sex In The City, will appear on an episode of The Carrie Diaries. In the episode, young Carrie helps Samantha get into the fashion industry and Samantha helps Carrie drink martinis and hook up with DJs.
6. A nude painting of Bea Arthur was sold for 1.6M dollars today. Friends of the new owner told him “You know you can see that stuff for free online, right?”
7. According to a new study, regular pot smokers are skinner than people who don’t smoke. Regular pot smokers said “Hahaha whose got the munchies now?……..wait I do read bad actually…”
8. An Australian politician was attacked by a Kangaroo during his morning jog the other day. Newspapers are already calling it the most Australian assassination attempt ever.
9. A Virginia man recently won 500,000 dollars from a lotto ticket after winning 25,000 in March and 1M back in September. Which explains the lotto’s new slogan “Hey you never know…but it’s probably going to Bernie.”
Look at this picture of Carmelo Anthony. What a shitty photo right? Does this make you think Carmelo is ready to win a championship? Does it make you believe that Carmelo is ready to seize the moment?
NO. Carmelo looks scared as hell!! Like he can’t handle anything! It looks like he just realized that the Knicks haven’t won a championship in 3 lifetimes and that a billion people are now looking on him alone to win a championship.
I’m just saying if your slogan is THE TIME IS NOW! NOW IS THE TIME TO PROVE YOURSELF! then take a photo of Carmelo that gives us a sense that he has a little more control over the situation. Or something that says that he realizes his responsibility and he isn’t totally petrified.
My buddy Steve just told me to check out the new Kavinsky and he didn’t disappoint.
I’m listening to the song right now and I feel like I’m I’m dance-walking into the future.
- Tonight's Fallon Jokes
If I were a monologue writer for Fallon, they would be pissed at me because I keep handing in jokes that are late, stupid, and too few.
1. Zoe Saldana revealed her weight on the cover of Allure magazine today. Not to be outdone, Chris Christie revealed his weight on the cover of Farty Tugboat Magazine.
2. The creators of How I Met Your Mother said that the last season will take place within 56 hours. Also another CBS show, The Big Bang Theory, will be 3 and a half minutes long but they swear this never happens.
3. The Washington Monument is underground a huge renovation and will be covered in 500 ft of scaffolding and tarp. The project is already being called the biggest condom-ER I mean renovation in the country.
4. A Miami Mayoral Candidate who claimed to be endorsed by Jesus finished dead last in her race. The other candidates had an edge on her because they were endorsed by The Romans.
5. Beyonce had to cancel a concert in Belgium due to exhaustion. Exhaustion or as everybody else is calling it, pregnancy.
6. Two alaskan volcanoes are on alert for sudden explosions. Also on alert, alaskan underpants.
7. The people behind Game Of Thrones wrote an upcoming episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. The episode looks very funny except for all the pointless tortue and screen-covering butt shots.
8. Three Senior Citizens have been arrested for pimping out of a senior living home in New Jersey. They were turned in after a neighbor overheard somebody saying “Where’s my money, BI-(SNORE)”
8b. Three Senior Citizens have been arrested for pimping out of a senior living home in New Jersey. It was the first time police officers had ever seen a pimp cane with four legs.
8c. Three Senior Citizens have been arrested for pimping out of a senior living home in New Jersey. It was the first time police officers had ever seen a leopard print catheter.
- My buddy Steve just told me to check out the new Kavinsky and he didn’t disappoint. I’m listening to the song right now and I feel like I’m I’m dance-walking into the future.
(No streaming audio available)0 plays - rocketandthejew: WAKE UP SPORTS DORKS!!! Rocket & The Jew Episode 3: Everybody Deserves A Chance! Rocket & The Jew are back on the waves to talk about The Masters, Kobe Bryants injury, Losing their virginity, and NBA Playoff Predictions. WPIG PRESENTS: Rocket & The Jew ATTENTION SPORTS DORKS!!!!! Rocket & The Jew is back! In this episode we talk about: Kobe Bryant The Masters (Golf) First Kisses V-Cards 2nd Chances NBA Playoffs Predictions
(No streaming audio available)6 plays - rocketandthejew: Ep 102: If You Can’t Take the Heat, Just Stop The Bitchin’ KEEP IT LOCKED, SPORTS DORKS!!! Can The Miami Heat keep streaking? Was DeAndre Jordan’s more furious than LeBron James’s dunk? What does The Jew find so appealing about “Undie-Snatching”. Rocket & The Jew start the week out right with the first jump on sports talk. In this episode, Rocket & The Jew talk about the Miami Heat chance of the longest streak in NBA history, March Madness, The Jew’s side hobbies, and DUNKS! CATCH ROCKET AND THE JEW EVERY MONDAY AT 4AM ON WPIG THE PIG ROCKET AND THE JEW IS BACK!!!!! Rocket & The Jew talk about: - Dunks - Hockey - The Jew’s side hobby (Undie-Snatching) - March Madness - Streaks Keep it locked on WPIG THE PIG
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Posts
A “Get Off My Porch!” article I wrote for Patch.com
This article is about the horrors of young love.
http://littlesilver.patch.com/articles/relationships-fake-it-till-you-make-out
A “Get Off My Porch!” column I wrote for Patch.com
This article tackles the strange allure of Four Loko.
http://littlesilver.patch.com/articles/four-loko-the-chosen-poison
I also cover Conan for GawkerTV.com. This is a popular post I wrote up about Conan issuing a statement to his loyal followers in Finland.
http://tv.gawker.com/#!5714148/conan-issues-a-statement-to-his-followers-rallying-in-finland
I cover Late Night with Jimmy Fallon for GawkerTV.com. This is one of my more popular posts. Betty White calls out Regis and seriously burns Kelly Ripa.
http://tv.gawker.com/#!5738755/betty-white-burns-regis-and-kelly-on-late-night
Another “Get Off My Porch!” article for Patch.com
This week, we tackle the question “Why is podcasting so popular?”
http://littlesilver.patch.com/articles/podcasting-the-search-for-conversation
This is from my humor column “Get Off My Porch!”
In this article, I talk about the process young people go through when they become temporarily communist.
http://littlesilver.patch.com/articles/the-three-week-communist
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Rocket and The Jew (Podcast)
- Rocket & The Jew is a comedy sports podcast starring Bruno Rocket (John Trowbridge) and The Jew (Yoni Lotan).Tune into WPIG THE PIG every monday monring at 4 AM to catch the best sports talk radio in the 5 boroughs.
